Real Mensch

Programmer's Editors: The Bad and the Ugly

2008-06-08T23:40:00.004-06:00

This started out as a comment on this blog entry, which discusses the long-running "programmers editor war." If you don't know what that's about, or what vi or Emacs are, then you can skip this entry without missing anything important.

It's been a pet peeve of mine that no editor exists that really does everything "right," even at a first approximation. As much as I'm probably temperamentally an Emacs-user (of the classic Emacs-vi options), I just can't quite get past the fact that I need to use Lisp to script it (Lisp offends me aesthetically; I know it's powerful, but it's also painful)...or the fact that its UI design dates to the '70s. Engineers didn't really know much about good user interface design back then--that's the decade that produced interfaces so friendly that millions of people were inspired to let their VCRs flash 12:00 rather than attempt to set the clock, and microwaves so poorly designed you practically had to read the manual to use them. Since then there has been a lot of research and positive progress on good user interface design paradigms, and a common, accessible interface standard (or two..?) has evolved that most people can just sit down and use. Yet Emacs and vi still use the same basic interface they started with, and both present a pretty steep learning curve for people who grew up on Microsoft Word. Yes, I could learn to really use either, but so far I haven't really been motivated to. I know that each is quite powerful in its own right, but I'd like to see something powerful and accessible.

I've been obsessed with finding The Best Editor since at least the mid-eighties, if not all the way back to 1976...though if I'd had access to a computer back then, I'm sure I would have cared. My day job forces me to use Windows, but also involves work on the Mac, and I've been maintaining Linux boxes for my own use since at least 1997. I have played with Emacs, but, like Lisp, it tends to annoy me from a user-interface perspective. I studied under Don Norman when he was teaching at UC San Diego, and I don't have much patience for a user interface that requires instructions, no matter how powerful you can be if you learn it.

What I want to see is an editor with the power of Emacs, but the basic UI of TextMate (or Notepad++ on Windows): I want it to be as usable as a modern GUI-based editor, though at the same time able to be driven completely from keyboard (to the point of being able to type in functions and run them, Emacs-style). I want it to be scriptable in whatever language I choose to script it in. And I want it to load quickly and act lightweight and fast--it should spring to life immediately, and if there are 20Mb of scripts that it needs to load, it should do it in the background and not block until a command I try to execute needs some code that hasn't been loaded yet (and while we're at it, it should KNOW which commands I frequently use and load their supporting scripts first...). Notepad++ on Windows again is closest to that goal--it starts up super-fast, and yet is moderately powerful (even without the zillion plug-ins you can add to it--and here I mean more of a TextMate-level power rather than Emacs-level, but you have to start somewhere).

At some point I'm going to make an attempt at starting such a project--I seriously obsess about this. I'd want to start from a solid base, possibly Notepad++, though I can't say for sure since I haven't dug in its code base yet. Since I'd want real Linux support (Notepad++ works under Wine, I understand, but that hardly counts), and probably real Mac support as well, what I'd be contemplating might end up being a pretty serious fork, though as it's based on Scintilla, it should be able to work on all three platforms with some cajoling. (The wxWidgets port of Scintilla works on Windows/Mac/Linux) If someone knows of such a project, and it's one that actually satisfies my goals, I'd happily join and contribute--I don't feel the need to start a new project as much as the need to have the editor it produces. :)

In the interim I've been using Visual SlickEdit, which has its own issues, but at least it does a lot of things well, IMHO. I also use vi when I need to do Linux configuration, but I'm a perpetual-novice vi user, and am under no illusion otherwise. I've also played with gVim from time to time (it's still my default on the Mac these days), and yes, my fingers do get used to toggling between modes, but I still don't really like it.

Biscuits on an Elimination Diet

2008-05-24T21:19:00.005-06:00

Yes, again I've been adventuring in the kitchen. This time I didn't go quite as far afield, starting with a recipe that was at least close to what I needed. But eggs, soy, corn, and dairy are still off the list, so I still couldn't make the recipe verbatim. Also, it seemed to need a higher oven temperature, given our high altitude--it might have just been the lack of butter, but the biscuits only just started to brown 40 minutes.

But they were still quite tasty. Here's my modified recipe:

Wheat, Egg, Gluten, and Dairy-Free Biscuits

Preheat an oven to 350 degrees, and grease a large pan. Mix together well in a large bowl, ideally in a bowl mixer:

1 1/2 c. brown rice flour
2 c. tapioca starch
1/2 c. oat flour
4 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. xanthan gum

Cut into the above bowl, until you have the consistency of crumbs:

1/2 c. palm shortening

You can use a flat beater on a bowl mixer to cut the shortening through. The recipe on the previously referenced page suggested using a grater with chilled butter, but I didn't have time to attempt to chill the shortening; that would likely work just as well.

Stir in until the dry ingredients are just moistened:

2 Tbsp. olive oil
2 c. rice milk
1/2 c. water
1 Tbsp. vinegar

Use a large spoon to drop sixteen biscuits onto the greased pan, and put them in the oven for 30 minutes, or until they start to brown.

Enjoy!

Experiments in food

2008-05-21T20:47:00.004-06:00

There's an old Dilbert strip where he's attempting to cook, but doesn't have the right ingredients...and so he makes a number of substitutions. Things like butter for marjoram, and eggs for cheese ("Eggs are just like cheese, but from chickens!"). By the time he's done, he ends up with a rather solid looked cake, having set out to make a soup...

Well, my wife is on an elimination diet, attempting to isolate which foods encourage colic-like behavior in our newborn son. But today was her birthday, so I felt the need to produce a "cake." With no dairy, eggs, or wheat. Or chocolate. Or corn products. Or soy. Or citrus...the list is long, but those are the key things someone might want to put in a cake that she's not eating for at least the next few days.

SO, what to do? Search the Internet for some really great recipe? If only I had planned ahead that far... Instead, there I am at Whole Foods looking at wheat flour substitutes, trying to guess which ones might work. And while I was at it, I was looking for gluten substitutes. If I'd had my wits about me, I might have also looked for egg substitutes, but I didn't get that far.

In any event, when I got back, I again scorned the Internet and instead used Joy of Cooking to give me a rough idea as to what one might do to create a cake. Then I winged it, fully realizing the risk that I would be reenacting a Dilbert cartoon. But it worked! At least, approximately. We ended up with something quite tasty, though I could have probably cooked it longer. I've adjusted the temperature below to attempt to cook it a bit better--the original called for 375, but it was looking quite brown, and seemed done when I took it out, though there were parts that were a bit less done.

So, in case someone else wants to experiment, here's what I did, give or take:

Wheat, Egg, Gluten, and Dairy-Free Tapioca Cake

Preheat an oven to 350 degrees, and grease a 8-9" cake pan.

Sift together three times:
1/2 cup oat flour
1/2 cup rice flour
1/4 cup tapioca flour
1 1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp pinch of salt.

Combine in a small bowl:
1/3 cup rice milk
1/4 tsp vanilla
dash of almond flavoring, unless you want the final result to taste like marzipan, in which case 1/4 tsp is about right. :)

Combine in a pan and whisk:
1/4 cup of tapioca flour
1/4 cup sugar
1 tsp xanthan gum (a powder--you can buy it at Whole Foods it turns out)
3 tbsp water (or more until the mixture is somewhat liquidy--didn't really measure this one...)

After you've done what you can to introduce bubbles in this, set it aside.

Then combine, in a bowl mixer if you have one:
1/3 Cup Coconut oil (palm oil would also probably work, or any solid-at-room-temperature oil).
1/2 Cup Sugar

Blend until smooth. Then alternate adding the flour mixture, one third at a time, and the rice milk mixture, half at a time. Blend some more. :)

Then we get back to that funny tapioca mixture. Pretend these are egg whites. They don't really look like them, but the finished product was tasty, so don't complain now. "Fold" them in to the batter using a rubber spatula, and spread the batter in the cake pan. Cook until a toothpick comes out clean--18-25 minutes, or so.

We used the extra almond flavoring, and it really did taste like marzipan--especially the parts that weren't as well cooked. The parts that did cook well were light and fluffy--I really liked it.

If you're not avoiding corn, you could cover it with a sugar glaze, mixing powdered sugar with water until you get the right consistency, and then pour/spread it over the cake (after it's cooled, of course!). Powdered sugar has corn starch in it, though. Odd, but true.

Slowing down from the fast lane

2008-05-21T18:03:00.003-06:00

Living here in Colorado, after having lived my entire life in the Bay Area, is starting to have a real effect. In particular, I feel generally more relaxed than I ever have living near San Francisco. Sure, I'm working from home now--but I've worked from home before. This is different.

Life is slower here. What does that mean? Well, it's easier to be patient when driving around, for one. There aren't any incidents of road rage to speak of. People don't even use their horns. Really.

In any event, it's a more pleasant life, and I'm not sure that I want that California life back, now that I'm getting used to another alternative.

Getting the California weather back, that's another story entirely.

Snow in Boulder...again...

2008-03-04T13:35:00.003-07:00

Before this year, I've never lived in an area where it snowed. I assumed that, here in Boulder, the snow would come a few times over the height of winter, and then it would be over. It would be cold, maybe, but snow would be a rare event.

Well, I guess I misjudged. In February it snowed several times. Mostly melted between times, but then it would snow again. Sometimes it would get downright warm--and then that night dump four inches. Now it's March, and I'm seeing more snow fall outside my window. Is this going to persist right into summer?

I guess I'll find out. At least the insulation in the house has been good: We don't typically end up turning on the heat until it's been cold outside for a week. Maybe I'm just running too many computers all the time...

Blogging is contagious...

2007-11-10T22:15:00.001-07:00

My wife has decided to join the ranks of bloggers by sharing her knitting and housecleaning adventures. She's been updating her blog every day, which is far more than I've been able to manage--though with my recent woodworking projects, I might be able to find something I'm interested in telling the world about. That or politics. Everyone loves to read about politics, right? :)

Getting Settled in Boudler

2007-09-19T10:12:00.001-06:00

Well, as anyone reading this has probably guessed, we arrived a while ago, and are well settled. Except for the boxes everywhere, which don't seem to unpack themselves.

I'm still working on getting my desk set up to be ideal, but that seems to be a journey rather than a destination, so I need to learn to stress about it less. My requirements for a desk are exacting enough that even if I did spend $500-$1000 on a "real" desk, I'd still end up modifying it--and if I'm going to be working on it, I may as well start with good materials. To that end, I'm meeting with someone on Friday who's going to show me some wood removed from bowling alley lanes as a possible desk surface, which sounds like it could be ideal.

Our old condo in the Bay Area sold last week, which is a weight off. I've been quite convinced for some time that the housing market was going to take a serious downturn. The Feds must agree with me, having lowered the rate by a half percent this week. I don't think that will stop the housing-crisis-in-progress, but we'll see. I thought it would crash a few years back, but serious rate reductions threw more fuel on the fire, and housing prices got even more phenomenally high, so we'll see what happens this time around.

Deborah has been canning things as a hobby, and luckily we have a garage for storing the fruits--and vegetables--of her labors. And I've started a new sport: Ultimate Frisbee. It's a lot of fun, but it's the kind of fun that leaves you sore for days...just long enough to last until the next time you play.

Otherwise we're still unpacking boxes, still flying out to San Francisco once a month for work, and still working on my community-building project. Life goes on.

To Yosemite and Beyond!

2007-07-14T23:15:00.000-06:00

After we visited the California Caverns we started our drive to Yosemite. The drive was uneventful, and we reached Yosemite close to dinner time, so we thought we'd enter the park, grab dinner, and go for a hike. Silly us.

We first took the free bus around to a restaurant in the park. Now on foot, we find that the first restaurant was closed--the quick sandwiches from a refrigerator we were hoping to grab were locked up and beyond reach. We thought we were lucky, though, because upstairs was a pizza restaurant; not ideal, but, well, we were hungry so we stood in line. For. A. Long. Time.

We weren't prepared for how slow it would be. It turns out that they were training new staff that night. Or I should say that one manager was training the entire staff. Each group in line took 5-6 minutes to place an order. About 9 orders and 50 minutes later, we finally reached the counter. Needless to say the food took a while as well.

By the time we finally managed to eat our food, the two hours we had alloted to spend at Yosemite were gone, it was getting dark, and it was time to move on--no hike for us, and $20 of park-entry-fee paid for a quick look at Half Dome, a couple glimpses of waterfalls, and access to a restaurant with terrible service. It would have been faster for us to have driven out of the park to a nearby town, eat there at a sit-down restaurant, and return. Live and learn.

Leaving Hotel California...slowly...

2007-07-13T10:01:00.000-06:00

The first morning we woke up and started packing for our road trip to Colorado. The plan was to pack, finish what we needed to do, and then leave between 10am and 2pm, get a good start on the road, see the California Caverns, and then head on down toward Yosemite and stay somewhere down in that direction.

Well, we got up this morning and starting packing. And packing. And packing. There were a few errands we were going to run, but they have all been postponed to my next trip out west. To say that we underestimated how much work it would take to pack up a month's worth of camp-out-in-our-new-house supplies, ship most of it off in boxes, and then fit the rest in the car to drive with us...well, you get the idea.

By 5:30pm we were finally waving goodbye to our neighbors and friends in Pleasant Hill, and we hit the road...almost. First a quick stop for sandwiches, and then we really hit the road.

After a couple hours of driving, we were ready to find somewhere to stop. We did in fact make it close to the caverns, so we were ready to achieve our first goal...a day late.

The B&B we found to stay in was wonderful. The Robin's Nest is run by an ex-technology guru who is well skilled in the culinary arts--breakfast was truly exceptional. The decoration and quality were excellent throughout, and it was a short drive to the California Caverns--so if anyone feels like visiting a 53 degree hole in the ground in the middle of summer, I heartily recommend this B&B as a place to stay. The caverns were nice too.

PlayFirst has a Dream...

2007-06-11T22:55:00.000-06:00

I don't normally post here to about my company's products, but this one is special--at least if you're one of those people who enjoyed playing Myst. It's called Dream Chronicles, and it seems to be universally addictive. Better yet, they gave me a coupon code for 1/2 off the price ($10 off for those of you not familiar with PlayFirst games) that I can give out to up to 200 of my closest friends. Our last big release, Chocolatier, is also doing well, and I recommend trying it if you like the idea of trading games, and you like chocolate.

If you read this before the code expires on June 18, then drop me an email (see the bottom of this page) and I can send you a code. I personally think this is the coolest Myst-style game to hit the streets since, well, Myst itself--but that's only my opinion. Let me know whether you want the Mac or PC code--they're different.

Here are the game details:

Game synopsis

You are getting very very sleepy…..

Imagine waking up from a deep sleep to find your husband missing and your daughter and the entire town under a sleeping spell. Unsure of what to do, you begin to notice that your surroundings seem strangely surreal and otherworldly…there are clues, scattered throughout town like breadcrumbs, apparently left by your missing husband. Put the clues together and overcome the obstacles in your path and you might discover what happened to your family and friends, as well as your husband’s mysterious past. If the clues are not all found, the sleeping spell may last forever and your husband may remain missing. Then again, what if it is all just a dream?

The opinions expressed above are mine, and even though I mentioned PlayFirst, I am still writing this as an individual and not as a representative of PlayFirst, Inc.

Why Colorado?

2007-06-05T22:00:00.000-06:00

So why would a California native leave his home state and move to Colorado? Well, in my last post I explained why I felt the need to leave my home state, but I haven't explained why I chose Colorado.

What kinds of places am I looking for? Well, I have a bit of a liberal bias, so solidly red states aren't that interesting. I grew up in California, so places with good climates certainly need to be considered. High humidity is a show-stopper for me--I shut down if it's really hot and humid--but I'm willing to try living in a place with occasional snow. I do like the idea of being somewhat close to a metropolitan area--I'm not willing (yet, anyway) to live 2+ hours away from the nearest airport and/or large city, given the likely isolation that would impose. And, as I mentioned last time, I'm quite wary of the consequences of global warming with respect to weather patterns and sea level.

Colorado is borderline on politics in general--with the notable exception of Boulder. I've heard Boulder referred to as the Berkeley of Colorado, and there are strong similarities. Having been there a few times now, I'd say it's close to as liberal as Berkeley, though a tad less flaky and a lot cleaner. It took a while to eliminate the Pacific Coast entirely, despite the sea-level worries. The Pacific Northwest is beautiful, and property values are much lower than in California, but what it comes down to is that I have more (and closer) family in Colorado than up north.

What else recommends Colorado? Well, they look like they're getting a mass-transit line that may end up cooler than BART. They already have good transit around Boulder County in general, though I personally favor commuter trains. The food in Boulder seems quite good, and we've found some great places to eat in the surrounding areas as well. In addition, they have a chain of health-food stores that really puts Whole Foods to shame: Vitamin Cottage locations are convenient to the locations we're exploring, and they're a genuine health food store rather than a yuppie/trendy/luxury food store like Whole Foods. Don't get me wrong, I still shop at Whole Foods--but I see the SUVs in the parking lot and the overdone wasteful packaging of items and I feel like I'm in Organic Marketing Land rather than a store actually dedicated to helping me find healthy foods.

On the other hand, I'll miss Trader Joe's. It will probably make it to Colorado someday, but until then I'll have to import my Organic Strawberry Preserves from California when I come back to visit.

Let's not forget I'm thinking about developing a community. Cohousing is a well-known and respected word there, at least among the city planners. That makes creating a community based on that formula much easier. Land is available near Boulder (though Boulder itself is quite built up) that's quite reasonably priced.

Colorado is also a very athletic state. The number of local gyms is quite impressive; snow sports are a 2-hour drive and available much of the year because of the elevation; and people really do ride their bikes all over the place. I've been biking to BART for work for the past couple years, but not really much farther; I'm hoping that will change. Of course part of the year biking won't be possible--unless they have snow tires for bicycles? But I hear that snow-shoeing is quite fun, and I'd like to give that a try.

Here's another thought for the liberals out there: I'm moving from a solidly blue state to a swing state. Suddenly my vote (if it's counted...) will contribute to making a decision instead of just being one of many "me too" votes. Advocacy would potentially make a bigger difference as well--getting out the votes of liberal neighbors has more leverage in a state where decisions can hinge on a few hundred votes.

Finally, Colorado will provide a change of scenery that just moving north wouldn't do for me. I will get to live where there's snow for the first time. The pace of life is a bit slower, or so I hear. The actual scenery is quite stunning. And the people there are pretty laid back and nice--on my last trip I ended up talking with several random strangers, and it seemed the most natural thing in the world. Far more natural than most encounters with Bay Area natives, in my experience. And that's really what I'm hoping for out of this move: A shifting of gears that slows my life down a bit, opening up more opportunities to enjoy it while it lasts.

Who would leave California?

2007-05-21T22:43:00.000-06:00

I was born here, in California, almost 40 years ago. I've lived here my entire life, mostly in the Bay Area, with a short hiatus down near San Diego to get my degree. The weather is nice year-round, BART provides a great means to get around without a car, and there are plenty of technology jobs available. The food can't be beat--sure, if you're rich and going to only the best restaurants, you might be able to find better food in NYC, but the food available around the Bay is some of the best in the country. We have the ocean and a zillion trails in easy driving distance, yet can make it up to the snow in only a few hours. I can bike to work year-round.

Yes, I love this state; turns out, though, a lot of other people do as well. Property values have become famously high; I've been a bear on the property market here for years, and it's gotten to be quite a familiar habit, but I'll go ahead and say it again: "These property values are WAY too high, and I expect them to crash any year now." But that by itself isn't a reason--if you want to stay somewhere, how much your house is worth doesn't matter.

On the other hand, if you're contemplating moving, having your housing value crash doesn't look so good. But why would I leave? What's the motivation? That will require a bit of back-story...

Where I live right now is in a condo complex, of sorts. It's not quite a normal condo development, though--there are several things that make it different. One, the layout of the community is designed to encourage interaction. Typically condos are designed to maximize the illusion of privacy and minimize the fact that you're living in relatively close quarters with a bunch of people. Two, the people in most condos only rarely interact with each other--and here I know the first name of every adult community member and almost all of the kids, and they all know who I am. That's nearly 70 names. There have been times of my life where I've known the names of no more than 20 people who I interacted with on a regular basis. Knowing this many people, and having this many friends right near home, is a profoundly new and positive experience for me. Three, there's a building known as the "common house" that has extra amenities that any resident can use for free (by signing up, first come first served), including guest rooms, a workshop, a pottery studio with kiln, a kids' play room, a television/sitting room, and a large meeting room with attached commercial-quality kitchen. There's even an optional meal rotation where, a couple times a week, someone will cook a meal in the kitchen and everyone interested signs up to eat, contributing their share of the costs. Four, there were a number of kids my daughter's age here, and because of the social aspect, the kids' room, and the high ratio of stay-at-home parents, it seemed like an ideal place for a kid to grow up. Five, the building was done as super-green and ultra-insulated, and that aspect was also in sync with my values.

So for the social aspects (knowing your neighbors, built-in playmates for your kids, easy and casual social events) and the shared-resources aspects (there's one shared lawnmower, some cool shared tools, extra rooms for guests to stay so you don't need a giant house with rooms you pay to heat that rarely get used) I really liked the idea of this community.

But all is not perfect. When we moved in here, we were trying an experiment on several axes. First, we'd read about communities like this--they're called "cohousing", which is a poor choice of a name in my opinion, since everyone who hears the word thinks it's some kind of co-op or communal living arrangement, which it really isn't--and what we read sounded interesting. Deborah and I had also been reading about voluntary simplicity, and I was starting to buy into the concept that having less junk would actually improve my life. We had been getting rid of junk we'd been accumulating for years at an impressive pace, and I had a false sense of optimism about how much we'd really purged. So when a unit HALF the size of our current place became available at a cohousing community, I thought, what the heck, let's try it out.

Here we are, two years later, and I can report that the social aspects are wonderful, but that not all is perfect. It turns out that a 4+ bedroom house with garage can hold a LOT of stuff in all of those extra closets, and it was really hard for a while to figure out what to do with most of it. Now that we've reached an equilibrium, though, I've discovered that I pretty much need a home office space--not just a corner of the bedroom, but a real office. This goes against the "smaller living" movement, but for whatever reason I need the space. So that's the first non-negotiable reason I want to move: I don't have enough space here.

Why not get another unit in this community? Well, one would need to become available. Wait, there IS one available, I could move there! OOPS, the owner only wants to rent it, and won't accept cats. Most everyone else in larger units here seems to be here for the long haul, so I'm not going to wait around for that option.

There's also another reason that I'm not eager to stay here: Philosophically I don't feel like I'm quite in sync with my current community. Some cohousing communities attempt to reduce everyone's costs by demanding everyone participate in the physical maintenance of the community; here they attempt to apply that particular strategy, and it's a nightmare of arguing about details and a drain on everyone's energy that I have absolutely no desire to be associated with. The frustrating thing is that, after you do the money analysis, you realize that all this extra work ends up saving people no more than about $10/month on their HOA dues (which are currently $300-$400/month, so we're talking a 3% savings).

I also have some other ideas about building these communities that I'd like to test out by founding a new one. If I did come across the absolutely perfect community, I wouldn't go to the trouble--but I'm an entrepreneur at heart, and I have ideas (for better or for worse) about how to do things, and I'd like to see if my ideas pan out.

So here I am, in a cohousing-style community, and wanting to move to another such community or found one. California has the most cohousing communities in any state in the nation, there must be another one I'd like, right? Or somewhere I'd be able to build one? Well, there are a few constraints that complicate matters.

If I'm living in the Bay Area, it needs to be near BART. I work in San Francisco, and I am not going to do a car commute, nor am I going to live in San Francisco. Period. End of negotiation. The Peninsula has CalTrain, but that requires a bus ride at the SF end of the line to get to my job, and I'm too impatient to wait for two successive public transit modes on a daily basis. I also want to be able to get to BART on my bike, for similar reasons--most BART stations these days end up with full parking lots, so I don't want to drive, and I don't want to bus-to-BART. And I want to be walkable or at least bikeable to interesting retail. I don't want to live in an area where I'll fear for my daughter's safety, and I do want to live in an area with good schools.

That narrows down the options a lot. So where does it leave? Berkeley would be great on several axes, except there's only one cohousing community in Berkeley, and it's a small one with high work requirements (according to their cohousing.org listing, and in any event they don't appear to have anything for sale). Building a new community in Berkeley, well...let's just say I'm not that much of a glutton for punishment. There's still a knee-jerk reaction in Berkeley that Development Is Bad, and it can easily take years to get even a small development through the planning process...and that's if you can find the land, which is already quite expensive in the interesting areas. So scratch Berkeley.

Points farther east like Lafayette, Walnut Creek, and Pleasant Hill are nice on a few other axes--but they're quite expensive, and most areas that are close enough to BART to be interesting are very built-up. And frankly, most people willing and interesting in living in communities like this are, well, liberal--and out in the "Far East Bay" things turn a bit more conservative. There are also no quaint downtown areas left--only upscale malls that try to pass themselves off as downtown streets--with the single exception of Lafayette, though it looks like 5-10 years of development will erase the few remaining quaint bits there as well.

This leaves me with no options that work for me in California. Other more remote locations in California could work for the short term, as I managed to arrange to keep my job as a telecommuting position for the Colorado move at least, but longer term there's no guarantee that I'll be with this company forever, and what do I do then? I also would like to be closer to an urban setting (no, Reno doesn't count) than most remote areas with reasonable housing prices allow. So goodbye California, Hello Colorado.

There are a few other reasons California and other coastal locations aren't my first choice for long-term habitation: If you follow the news on global warming, it doesn't look good. If you follow it closely, the theme seems to be that everything is happening faster than scientists expected. We've seen this movie before: Everyone ignores the warnings of the scientists, sometimes even ignoring the early proof, and then are surprised when calamity strikes. I'd like to be on higher ground when the calamities strike.

Why Colorado? That's the topic of another post...

The Danger of Net Favoritism

2006-07-03T22:09:00.000-06:00

There are a lot of good reasons to support Net Neutrality, and I agree with all of them. But there's one reason that's hardly ever mentioned--the reciprocity agreements that are inevitable between all of the major carriers.

The fact that the Big Guys will benefit from preferential treatment is a given--if you're Disney, you can afford to pay to get better exposure for your site. But the conglomerates that own content and big pipes will have an inherent advantage, in that they can set up agreements to share each others' pipes for free. This allows them to leverage their infrastructure investment to promote the content sides of their business--giving them an unfair competitive advantage.

Not a big surprise that they want to set things up to keep out smaller competition, but yet another reason to pressure your senators to make Net Neutrality law.

People Skills

2005-12-14T21:30:00.000-07:00

Every disaster, every challenge you face, every time things fall apart--it's an opportunity for growth. Or so they say. At a past full-time job I had the bad experience of friction developing between myself and a few others on the staff regarding technical policy decisions. Ultimately I left the job, and moved on to a more attractive position; however, the entire interaction left a bad taste in my mouth.

So if I'm not good enough at something, I like to look for advice, some of which I found in a classic book: The 70+ year old bestseller, "How to Win Friends & Influence People". Yes, the title of this book seems cliched and is much ridiculed; however, the information it contains feels timeless.

In fact there hasn't been much in this book I haven't heard before; face it, there has been adequate time for people to write other books that contain the same ideas. After this much time, much of the content of this book has even made it into folk wisdom. However, reading through this book, every point has felt like a slap in the face, a wake-up call to start caring what others think; even though what it said wasn't new to me, it reminded me in a very pointed way that I can and should pay more attention. And so far it's been very useful in that regard. So much so that I believe I may be able to avoid ending up in the same awkward situation that developed before.

When you grow up with a positive opinion of yourself--a really positive opinion of yourself--it's easy to think that you're better than other people. And while self-confidence is good, respecting the skills and abilities of others is almost more important to your own success than just being good at what you do. This last fact is still slow to penetrate my consciousness, but I'm working on it. It's especially important when you're working among many intelligent individuals who each have that same self-confidence--but for whatever reason don't always agree with you.

The better you listen, the better you understand, and the better you present your goals so that the listener can see that what you want is also what they want, the more likely it is they will agree with you. Listen, understand, then present. That's my mantra for the week, anyway.

Progressive values ARE American values

2005-03-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

America is about opportunity. America is about freedom. America is about equality. All of these values are endangered species today. Why? Because a minority of those claiming that they are patriotic Americans have been framing public debate for the last 30-40 years.

George Lakoff, a professor at UC Berkeley and a fellow of the Rockridge Institute, has put together a careful analysis of what's been happening and what progressives have been doing wrong. His analysis is based on cognitive models of our belief systems, in other words how progressives and conservatives think. Every wonder why progressives have one set of values that on the surface appear unrelated, and conservatives seem to have diametrically opposed values? Why would, for example, conservatives be against abortion ("pro life") when they are also against the government providing prenatal care, postnatal care, and health care for children? If pro life were an accurate description, then you would expect conservatives to support everything that supports healthy children.

Lakoff's characterization of why the right opposes abortion is not as complimentary, at least from the point of view of someone who is progressive: Abortion is a means of birth control, a way for women to keep control of their own bodies. He posits that the core family value system that frames the policies of the right stem from a "strict father" family model. If you're a progressive reading this, you may not be familiar with the phrase, but the concepts are probably not entirely alien as much as distasteful. The prototypical strict father model assumes that:

The world is a dangerous place.
It always will be, because there is Evil out there.
The world is highly competitive, and there will be winners and losers.
There exists an absolute right and wrong.
Children are born bad, and must be made to be good, where good entails knowing what's right, and having the discipline to do what's right.

As a result, raising a family requires a strict father who:

Protects the family from a dangerous world.
Supports the family in a competitive world.
Teaches his children right from wrong.

Since following these values is the only way to succeed (according to this model), therefore:

If you're rich, that means that you were disciplined, and therefore good. And good people should be rewarded.
If you're poor, that means you weren't disciplined, and therefore you weren't good. And bad people should be punished. In this model, starting out as poor doesn't prevent you from being disciplined--and therefore if you're still poor, you deserve it.

This is paraphrased from Lakoff's book, "Don't think of an elephant!". To a progressive these ideas might seem rather extreme, antiquated, in poor taste, and, frankly, parodied. It turns out, though, that he pulled many of these ideas from another book, "Dare to Discipline," by James Dobson. While I was not familiar with the latter name myself, apparently Dobson is featured on thousands of radio stations and has sold millions of copies of his book. Physical punishment is part of this model on the theory that it will teach children not to do wrong--never mind the fact that it's not currently believed to be a good method of training.

How does this connect to abortion? Well, if you believe--as many seem to--that this strict father model is the best model to live by, then abortion, along with other forms of birth control, gives more freedom to women, with the side effect that they are not as beholden to men. As premarital sex is seen as lack of discipline, it is something that should be punished. As delaying child bearing to have a career gives women more power, it is seen as a dangerous thing. Anything that threatens the authority of the strict father is considered bad, even evil.

This is the theory underlying the way that conservatives are running the government. Why aren't we seeking consensus, why are we ignoring world opinion? Because our strict father (Bush) wouldn't be upholding his responsibilities if he didn't know right from wrong, and if he wouldn't do what he needed to protect his family. It would actually be considered wrong in that frame to ask permission: As he said in the debates and elsewhere, he doesn't feel the need to ask for a "permission slip" to defend the US. The image evoked is that of a child who must ask permission to go to the bathroom; the message is that he is the Authority, and that he is beholden to no one.

So how do progressive values stack up? Well, Lakoff describes the "nurturing parent" model as the one that progressives tend to use. To summarize Lakoff's nurturing parent model:

Both parents raise and nurture the children, who are seen to be born good, ready to be made better.
Empathy is a key value and skill, and you need to practice it to understand and fulfill the needs of your children.
This is hard work, and requires strength and competence.

Empathy as a value leads to a few other values:

Protection is important, as you empathize with your children and wouldn't want them to be hurt.
Fulfillment is important, as you want your children to be happy.
If you are unfulfilled and unhappy yourself, you won't want others to be happy, so it becomes a moral responsibility to seek fulfillment.
You want to teach your children to nurture, and who wants others to be happy and fulfilled.
Fairness is important, as you want your children to be treated fairly.

Which leads to a number of other values:

Freedom, since without freedom you can't seek out fulfillment.
Opportunity and prosperity, which are cornerstones of freedom.
Honest communication is required to form a bond of empathy with your children.

In this framework, the abortion issue is seen as a right: The freedom for women to live their lives as they see fit, to seek out their own fulfillment and opportunities. And the freedom of women is a well established American value, along with the complete set of progressive values.

If you haven't read and of Lakoff's books, I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of his conclusions, which include new ways to think about these models, and how to reframe the debate so that people will be able to hear our conclusions. All I've really hit on in this article is the foundations of his theory. If these concepts seem right to you, I would recommend Don't Think of an Elephant. Note that I'm not getting any commissions from these links--I'm just including them for convenience. If you want the complete analysis I would recommend Moral Politics--a much thicker though more complete book. If you just want the conclusions, the last chapter of Elephant is online: How to respond to conservatives.

"Later Bush" and other necessary reading

2004-11-01T00:49:00.000-07:00

I came across a site called See Ya Later Bush!, and added the following message (though I've edited it slightly now that I've had a chance to re-read it) to its blog. I encourage anyone else who feels like getting a good Bush rant off their chest to do the same--it felt good. :) If you're considering voting for Bush, then you should really read this site, or you may seriously regret it later (as the world enters WW3, with the US as the Bad Guys).

It seems like the Bush supporters Aren't Listening. Bush either lies constantly or is incompetent. Either way, we know he's not qualified for the post of President of the US. The WORLD knows he's not qualified. In foreign policy, he's pissed off the rest of the world, pouring fertilizer on the roots of terrorism, while making nonsensical arguments like, 'They hate our freedom.' Like hell! They hate our arrogance and our killing and exploitation of their peoples! It doesn't make ANY sense to say they hate our freedoms! Hello!

And as to whether or not Kerry will be able to handle Iraq any better, IT DOESN'T MATTER. If he and Bush plan to do the exact same thing with Iraq, Kerry will still have an advantage--the world mistrusts Bush at the moment, and would be more likely to cooperate with ANYONE else. Further, on the home front Bush is trying to establish an oligarchy--that's rulership by an exclusive class, often those with money, and I DON'T mean those with a little bit of money: If your yearly income after taxes isn't in the 10's or 100's of millions, then you WON'T be part of the elite class, as much as you would like to think you will! So what you say? Well, so much for the American Dream: In Bush's America, everyone will stay where they're at. And guess what? Where they're at will keep sliding down, away from Those On Top. Social Security? He's trying to dissolve it. Environment? He's ready to chew it up and spit it out, as long as someone will pay him for it. Global warming? This one needs a rant all its own, but it will suffice to say that it is NOT controversial within the scientific community. It is only controversial within politics and the general populace, and that because companies like Exxon have been spreading lies about the science.

To summarize: Bush is NOT making us safer. Kerry has a chance of doing it, but will be hampered by the mess Bush got us into. Bush is trashing the environment and stacking the economy for his pals; Kerry will help protect the environment and restore a reasonable progressive tax system. How can any thinking person vote for Bush?

Programmers as blacksmiths

2004-10-17T00:12:00.000-06:00

Recently I stumbled across a three part article: The Blacksmith and the Bookkeeper, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3. The premise is that programming as a profession is doomed to go the way of the blacksmith, that it will create the tools that eventually bring about its end. In the article, Max Goff presents a hypothesis about why blacksmiths faded away while bookkeepers thrive today: In summary, blacksmithing was easily automated, streamlined, or assembly-lined, while bookkeeping required creative application of knowledge. Goff then posits that programming (except for embedded programming) falls into the same general category as smithing: Something that can be easily described and automated. But I think there are essential skills of programmers beyond being able to decipher assembly language or Java or Perl, and that those essential skills will be necessary for quite a long time.

I can easily see how he can come to his conclusion--the IT industry seems to be shrinking at an alarming rate, H1-B's and exported jobs are displacing native workers, and the premium that the average programmer once commanded has dwindled and become much more modest. In fact his conclusions are not unique: Another article in USA Today (Endangered species: US programmers) puts forth similar conclusions. It's not the first time I've encountered this concept. I've fielded questions on this topic from various friends and family members for years, in fact. And every new programming automation tool seems to herald the end of programming; there have been enough "silver bullet" software products and methodologies touted in the last twenty years to slay an army of werewolves, and yet none has lived up to the promises of its press releases.

As someone who has been a professional programmer and software engineer since 1987, I personally do not see the demand for my skills decreasing any time in the near future. Why am I not worried? In part because, as a video game programmer, my skills are in the minority--Goff makes reference to "Embedded Java" programmers in his article as being an exception to the rule, but I would put forth that many more programming specializations are going to need programmers for the foreseeable future.

With the dot com boom, the demand for programmers went way up along with their salaries, and many new programmers were being cranked out by universities. Many more companies than the supply of programmers could satisfy "needed" to have a Web presence as soon as possible, and so the demand created as if by magic a non-sustainable number of extra IT positions. With the bust, the demand necessarily goes down--partly because of market saturation, in that most companies now have a Web presence, and partly because putting an application up on the Web is a mature, understood process, and for a vast majority of typical Web sites, is not innovation--it's often just assembling the correct puzzle pieces at this point. I would guess that even in the heyday of smithing that during, e.g., wartime many more blacksmiths were trained and highly paid to produce weapons and armor than could be supported when the demand for hammered iron was lower. So part of the problem is certainly related to this: There are simply too many programmers for the positions that are available.

So will there be enough jobs for everyone who wants to make a living as a programmer? No, probably not. Which sucks for the thousands who lined up to get CS degrees for guaranteed high pay and job security--another broken promise of the "New Economy." The secret to getting steady work in the field is to find a niche where the programming that needs to be done isn't one that isn't easily generalized. I think this is a corollary to Goff's premise, in fact: If the job you're doing is something repetitive and predictable, if there's no (or very little) adaptation necessary for each new project, then it's going to be in the greatest danger of being automated or eliminated. There's more skill in adapting to a dynamic situation than in assembling components by rote. And having a skill that's in high demand is what raises your paycheck, not something magical about the titles "Programmer" and "Software Engineer". We're not just entitled to a high paycheck due by virtue of being able to speak Java or (in my case) C++. The high paycheck comes from providing a lot of value to a business.

This argues for restricting H1-B access, since the supply is truly greater than the demand for some positions. It turns out, though, that in niche industries like video game programming, where you really do need highly specialized talent that really is hard to find, even today, the H1-B applicant will often be the only one qualified for the position. Not just the cheapest one, but the only one. So it's not a simple issue--preventing H1-B access can prevent some companies from finding employees with the right skills. Which hurts the economy, etc. For a similar reason, video game outsourcing isn't thriving: I know that it does exist, though for the most part it exists as complete game development houses or component providers.

I think that another real problem facing the army of programmers out there right now is that many are working on similar problems, and that those problems are predominantly solved. Most Web sites and custom applications use the same features, many use off-the-shelf back ends with similar collections of components organized in slightly different ways, and one or two programmers can now do in a short time what it once took a small army of programmers many months. Note though that it still does require those few programmers--for the simple reason that programmers are trained to break a problem down analytically and debug it when it doesn't work as expected. Even if the programmers aren't manipulating anything like code, they will still be needed--maybe they'll be much more efficient, but they'll be around. Of course when they're more efficient, there won't be as many jobs...see above.

When a problem domain is well understood, however, it can often be analyzed, packaged, and automated into a wizard that you don't need a programmer for--as Paul Graham describes in his essay Beating the Averages, you can automate the process of creating an entire E-Commerce site. Now his software is used in Yahoo Stores, and while most of the Yahoo stores tend to have a similar look, they look professional and, with a custom graphics layer, would rival many custom-generated sites. In one wizard on a Web site, in under an hour, a person who knows nothing about programming can assemble an entire custom store with inventory management, payments, shipment tracking, and whatever other features Graham's group was able to squeeze in--with no direct programmer interaction at all. You might think I'm undermining my own argument here. But note this is a single problem domain, and however well it solves the Generic E-Commerce Site problem, it won't help in the slightest with creating a piece of software that tracks shipping containers for an export company, or that analyzes communication traffic to optimize switching, or any number of unrelated problems that still will need programmers until those problems are well understood, at which point they could potentially be automated and the programmers move on to new problems. And the Yahoo Store generating software still needs a team of programmers--who maintain 20000+ web sites rather than just a handful.

I do believe that companies are right to not want to pay premium salaries for programmers who are not really creating anything new. So programmers should always endeavor to keep their minds sharp, and always be in the position of creating new things rather than just pushing components around. I'm not against components--use components or any other tool that gives you greater leverage by all means!--just be sure you're personally adding value and not just running wizards. If a programmer isn't flexible enough to be able to adapt to a new industry or specialization, then unfortunately that programmer has become a blacksmith of programming, a specialist fit for one job on a programming assembly line, and unfortunately that's the position that's easiest to outsource or otherwise replace. So what you need to do is either reinvent yourself as a programmer, or reinvent yourself as something else. But don't just feel sorry for yourself that the bandwagon that you jumped on is overcrowded and that people keep falling off as its carrying capacity shrinks.

There are an infinite number of potential problem domains out there--and we're nowhere near putting together a tool that can solve any large fraction of them. To be able to generate a completely new program (presuming that the program is non-trivial, and understanding that what is meant by "trivial" evolves over time), you need to understand the motivations and needs of the people who will be using that program, distilling those concepts into a specification, sub-divide the specification into whatever logical units you have at your disposal, refine the implementation to improve its usefulness, and debug it when it doesn't work quite correctly. And these are the skills that epitomize a programmer or software engineer. I don't care if the "programming" is done by writing lines of code, dragging boxes around, talking into a microphone, or projecting thoughts into a brain-scanning UI. Programming will evolve. The only way to eliminate programmers from the equation entirely is to replace them with human-like AI entities with a breadth of understand of human endeavors, which, if created, would certainly do more than just put programmers out of business. Programming won't be the major that people flock to for easy money, certainly, but its oft-reported imminent death has been greatly exaggerated.

I can talk about my job now!

2004-09-27T10:39:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I joined a startup that had been funded, but its official goals hadn't been broadcast to the world yet. Well, the time for secrecy is over!

The San Jose Mercury News ran this today:

http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/business/9770737.htm

...and according to Google News it was syndicated in at least 13 other papers. (This one doesn't require a subscription.)

And Gamespot is running this story and interview with our CEO:

http://www.gamespot.com/news/2004/09/27/news_6108681.html

After reading the latter, I was reminded why I decided to join Playfirst to begin with--the excitement and enthusiasm generated by the top tier of this group will carry it quite a ways. $5 million in funding will keep the burden light. And it feels to me like a real market that's just opening up, so the destination is attractive, especially with stock options in the company.

Finally, the Playfirst web site is up, and it looks great!

In any event, that's where I'll be working for the forseeable future. I'm a lead programmer ("Senior Software Engineer") on an internal title right now. It's been fun so far!

Server Insecurity

2004-09-23T22:32:00.000-06:00

This article attempts to chronicle my recent upgrade adventure installing Gentoo Linux/SElinux on my home server. I'm a technical kind of guy, so I'm likely to use highly technical references without realizing it, but I'm trying to keep my tale within reach of non-Linux-experts. My objective is to keep the article accessible to anyone interested, while illustrating why someone might be crazy enough to try to install a hardened Linux build despite the extra effort required.

Set the wayback machine to mid-1998. I was looking through my home Linux server, which was then running RedHat 5.0, if memory serves, when I discovered files on the hard disk that I didn't put there. Since no one else had access to the server (legitimately) , I had been hacked. As a result, I immediately started reading everything I could get my hands on about computer security. The first thing I learned was that the applications I was using with RedHat--SendMail, WS-FTP, and Bind, three very common server applications that were installed by default on that old version of RedHat--had some of the worst security hole records out there. I turned off two of those applications, replacing them with more secure versions: Qmail, a powerful and free email server, and ncftpd, a proprietary but also free FTP server. I didn't find a good replacement for Bind (at the time), so I patched it and crossed my fingers.

About a year later, I found another file I hadn't put there. It looked like I'd been hacked again. I dropped RedHat and switched to a little-known hardened distribution called Trustix. I also found djbdns, a Bind replacement, and managed to get rid of that last major security risk.

Fast-forward to the present: Trustix didn't upgrade to the newest Linux kernels quickly enough, so I decided to try other distributions and settled on Mandrake, which had been good to me so far; whenever I heard about a new exploit or security hole, Mandrake would supply the patch and I'd quickly update my box. Unfortunately, some patches would break things, and it would take a few hours to get things up and running. And because there was that window between when the exploit is discovered and when I patched it, I always had to wonder if someone had broken in and left a trojan on my box. As a result, every new install meant starting over practically from scratch with a virgin system (so that nothing a hypothetical hacker had left behind would persist to the new system). And with a full time job, it's not fun to have to spend that much free time rebuilding my system every year or two.

For over a year I ran (on my private home server) a Mandrake 9.0 Linux box with as much security as I could turn on while still being able to use it. The box did a lot of good work for me -- it stored my MP3 files, operated as a mail server and webmail client, served my domain names, and blocked evil attacks from the outside world from my vulnerable Windows boxes.

However, Mandrake wasn't supporting 9.0 any more, so it was time to upgrade. This time, however, I wanted it to be different. I wanted this upgrade to be the last major upgrade I would need to perform, at least for many years, and I wanted the server files to be safe without me having to worry about whether someone snuck in with an exploit leaving trojans throughout my system.

I'd read a lot about Gentoo Linux, so I thought I'd give it a try. A few features recommended it to me, including the fact that there isn't really a discrete "version" number of Gentoo--when new package versions become available, you can just upgrade--and you can rebuild packages with custom options for the exact system you're building. I also discovered that Gentoo supported SElinux, a package developed by the NSA to minimize (specifically to localize) the potential damage that an intrusion can do. For instance, if your Web server can only read web files and someone breaks in through the Web server, the most that hacker can do is read web files. An over-simplification, but that's the basic idea. Gentoo also has other options for a hardened kernel build (features that prevent some attacks to begin with), which I also turned on.

The only stumbling block I hit getting started was that the normal Gentoo Live CD (the CD that you use to boot up the first time) didn't work with the SElinux build, and it didn't tell me why it wouldn't work--but a little Google searching came up with the alternate SElinux Live CD, and I was off and running. There was also a bit of confusion where my Google search had picked up an outdated HOWTO with broken links, but once I found the correct HOWTO things went a bit more smoothly.

So with an SElinux Live CD, I got a build together and installed my favorite packages--which worked fine until I turned on the SElinux protections. I had enabled the download of "development packages" so I could get SElinux components--not realizing at first that I would get the development packages for everything. These new development packages didn't have updated SElinux rules, so it took a lot of reconfiguration to get the ultra-paranoid SElinux kernel to work with all of these packages. Worse, I had the temerity to want to install packages that had no existing SElinux configurations available at all. It took a lot of work to get all of the settings tuned.

In a nutshell, when you want to make a new service work under SElinux, it's a kind of whack-a-mole game of granting access to each specific feature that the service needs. It's not quite that easy, though, because you also need to create new "security domains" for the new service, and map out how each domain can interact with each other domain...and if you do it wrong, you've just opened up a new potential security hole. I would say that this process is not for the faint-of-heart, and certainly not for the newbie.

Once all of your services have SElinux packages, and you're using the right versions of each, it will be hard to beat the security of SElinux, though. If the Gentoo folks are interested, I'll put together a few packages with my changes in them to help out future SElinux installers.

In any case, my new server is finally up and running. I also have a lot of new features almost for free because of the great Gentoo package system: SpamAssassin helps to deflect spam from my system, ClamAV helps to block viruses before they enter my email box, and Poptop will soon allow me to VPN into my home box to get to my file shares.

I won't say that the new server is bulletproof, because that would be stupid--it would certainly attract more attention than I want trying to prove me wrong, and I would probably be wrong. But considering it's a completely uninteresting personal server without as much as a single credit card number, the level of security I have on it now is enough to quell my fears.

Besides which, just to be extra paranoid, I did a baseline checksum scan of all of the applications on the server, so if someone does someday get past all of these barriers I put up, at least I'll be able to know. Until then, I'm going to sleep a bit more easily.

Where does all the time go?

2004-08-07T22:06:00.000-06:00

It seems like only yesterday that I wrote my last blog entry...but no, it's been well over a month. Somehow having an infant and suffering from sleep deprivation and leaving my job and searching for a new job and rebuilding my home server from the ground up have all combined to make me feel like I'm busy all the time. Funny that.

So, WAS I ready for the baby?

2004-06-16T10:36:00.000-06:00

There is a baby, and now sleep is a valuable commodity. One may note I haven't posted much on this blog recently--well, writing simply didn't rate against the possibility of sleep.

But, I have a small amount of extra energy this morning, so here are a few thoughts on early parenthood:

At first, it wasn't so bad. My mother-in-law came out from Texas to help, and this was crucial to our continued sanity. Raising an infant past the first two weeks really takes the full time efforts of no fewer than three people, unless you're really lucky or you don't mind letting the poor thing cry. There was at least one night that was very long and stressful--no sleep for either of us--after which we were able to pass our new blessing on to her grandmother for some much needed rest. The rest of the time our house was magically and wonderfully cleaned, breakfast was prepared for us, and laundry went through the machines at a seemingly constant rate. But all good things come to an end, and grandma had to go home; luckily we'd managed to build up a bit of a routine by then, and we're still managing. Though I'm working only half time, from my system at home, so I'm still putting a lot of daddy-time in.

But how has it changed me, or the way I look at things? Aside from attitudes and feelings attributable to sleep deprivation, there aren't any earth-shaking changes to my outlook. Sure, I used to be scared of diaper changing, and now it's really not a big deal. You get over it, eh? But that doesn't strike me as a sign of a major life change. There are the profoundly satisfying moments of connection with my new daughter as she stares into my eyes in a rare quiet-and-awake moment, and there is an awareness growing that the responsibilities for this new life will be with me for a Long, Long, Time. But fundamentally, I feel like the same me I was a couple months ago.

On the other hand, I suddenly have a lot more to talk about with other new parents. Some of my friends don't have children, and when I mention poop color or number of diapers or amount of sleep they look at me rather oddly and try to change the subject. It's easier to hang out with my friends who have children for other reasons as well--if a baby cries, we can look at each other with understanding.

I've known some single folks who look at child problems and responsibilities with a mixture of disgust and pity, so treasuring their freedom that they can't understand wanting to have a child around. But I feel that the rewards are worth the trouble, and that it isn't a sacrifice we're making but an undertaking of monumental proportions with a wonderful prize at the end. Even if that prize is only a smile, for the time being. And even if the smile came about only because of a satisfying poop. It's really only an echo of things to come, as I see it. And I don't just mean more poop, though I expect that will be along shortly as well.

We have a baby!

2004-06-02T16:09:00.000-06:00

Petra Katharine Mensch was born at 7:04am at Alta Bates in Berkeley. She weighed in at 6lbs., 11oz., and is absolutely beautiful. I plan to talk more about the birth and the first years at my family blog.

Petra (aka the Menschkin) and mommy.

"I don't care about all that environmental stuff..."

2004-05-23T18:07:00.000-06:00

"I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven, thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives."

- Tolstoy

I was talking with a few acquaintances about my new Prius the other day, explaining some of its features (good mileage, cool technology, etc.), when one of them said, "I don't really care about all that environmental stuff, I'm mostly concerned with saving money on gas." I had to wonder: did he really not care about the environment, or was it that he feared being considered an environmentalist by others? Has environmentalism gained an extremist liberal reputation that makes reasonable people act like closet environmentalists rather than being open about their beliefs?

It strikes me as odd not to care about "that environmental stuff." Is he breathing the same air I am? With smog a recurring problem in California and the Bay Area, air quality is hardly a theoretical problem. Is he living in the same coastal region that would be flooded if the polar ice caps melt because of global warming? That topic does seem wrought with controversy, despite the fact that it's scientifically accepted.

Why is it controversial, then? Because large companies with narrow short-term-profit agendas publicize deception and bad science, people get the impression that global warming is debatable. The PBS show Nova has an excellent web page that discusses global warming and presents both sides. Assuming the scientists who express a disbelief in global warming are sincere, it would appear that they are letting their research and even their thinking be driven by political—or simple monetary—motivations. Ironically, or perhaps appropriately, some articles that oppose the pro-environment viewpoint and call into question global warming, its causes or consequences, consider arguments on the other side to be politically motivated, but don't really give a plausible motive or agenda. What possible motivation would these researchers have for using scare tactics or proposing nightmare scenarios? These scientists are sick of being ignored and want people to pay attention to them? It's true that a kook here or there might come up with a ridiculous scenario, but I personally find the consensus of more than a thousand scientists—that global warming is a serious problem, partially caused by human activity—compelling.

It's not easy to predict how an extremely complex chaotic system will respond to large inputs of CO2, and some of the potential results are so catastrophic that even if there's only a 5% chance that something like this could happen, that's too much.

As people realize that they, in fact, inhabit the environment and depend on it for life, I sincerely hope that environmentalism will be considered centrist rather than left wing, accepted as common sense rather than relegated to the closet.

"What do you do now that you're not working?"

2004-05-16T20:46:00.000-06:00

Deborah and I were reading Babycenter, and this is a must read for parents and anxious parents-to-be who need a serious laugh. If you've made some really, really bad mistakes with your baby, this page will show you you're not alone.

As for us, since we don't have a baby to make mistakes with yet, it simply helped us blow off a bit of nervous anticipation about the things that sometimes DO go wrong....

And what are we getting ready for again?

2004-05-15T23:10:00.000-06:00

Hey, the mother in question here. More about me later. Gotta bounce off Tim's post first.

So the big question for me has become, what is it that I'm supposed to be ready for?

(Esteemed new reader of Real Mensch: Please note this will make a lot more sense if you read "Are You Ready for the Baby?" below first.)

Parenthood? Yeah, I get on some level that my life will never be the same. See Tim on being ready for something supposedly impossible to understand in advance.

Labor and delivery? Hmmm. Took the classes. Read every conceivable book. Just ask Tim. Even had some moments along the way, as a few things went wrong in painful but not ultimately harmful ways, of severe pain -- enough pain to feel I was really getting a test of my ability to cope without drugs. (Now there's a bonus you won't get from clutching ice cubes!) Did a seven-day, 525-mile bike ride once. All right, all right, see Tim again on being ready for something impossible to understand in advance.

But then comes the catch. You see, the Menschkin is breech. Now, if you're a member of our health plan and don't feel like paying cash for your ideal labor and delivery experience, that means you either get a C-section or take your chances with doctors who aren't really properly trained for breech delivery through existing orifices. What would YOU choose? So if this seemingly-ever-likelier (as all the headstands and acupuncture we can stand don't get her to turn) scenario comes true, there's a whole new thing to get ready for -- major abdominal surgery. Yeah, there's a healthy baby on the other end of it if we're sufficiently lucky, and that rates among life's Very Good Things. But you know, childbirth classes as we experienced them are not quite the preparation I have in mind for this kind of experience. **Deleted here: rant about things people say and what I want to hear. Have any of you ever had the experience of putting words out in the world and then realizing those thoughts were never meant to be public? I'm sorry to any loved ones who felt bad about what I said -- that was not at all my intention. I love you.

So who the heck am I? Well, I'm the mother of Tim's child and I have my very own name too -- Deborah. I've done a lot of secondary science and math teaching in my life, but these days my job is gestating the Menschkin and getting ready for her arrival, along with a teensy bit of freelance editing and database work. I don't get mad at other drivers on the freeway anymore; somehow being pregnant has cured me of that need. I'm a second-generation Unitarian Universalist. Enough tidbits for now? Good. See ya.

"Are you ready for the baby?"

2004-05-15T21:53:00.000-06:00

People keep asking me this question. In some ways, the answer is yes--we've bought everything that they tell you to buy, we have space set up for changing the baby, we've looked at names. But can one ever be "ready"? I've heard over and over that everything will change, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in ways not so subtle, and that it's really impossible to understand what it's like to have a child until you have one.

So my question is this: How can I possibly be ready for something that's allegedly impossible to understand in advance? I've tried to prepare myself for a major change, for something that is a major life-changing event, a rite-of-passage of sorts. But beyond that, I'll just handle things as they come along; I've had good luck dealing with kids in the past, and I've decided to try to trust myself to be a good father rather than to try to worry the situation to death.

As far as being ready--regardless of whether I'm ready, the baby is going to be along any day now. The due date is May 29th; wish us luck!

Thoughts and ramblings...

2004-05-15T18:59:00.000-06:00

I've been meaning for a while to set up a blog space online, so here goes. The opinions I post here are my own, and the content will probably be influenced by a few factors: I'm about to become a new Dad, I'm a really excellent programmer, I'm politically left leaning, and I feel that commercialism and corporate control in the US have both gone way too far. I'm a full-time computer programmer at Z-Axis (a video game company), a part-time photographer, a sometimes Linux admin (of my home system), and a full-time student of life.